2

I simply cannot express how much I love our little girl Carys 

Shes such a pleasure a real smiler hardly complains she's cooing and sitting up already she's really starting to blossom 

I've never known such intense feelings for somebody - she's simply mesmerising to me - 

Natalie is an amazing Mum and Carys is so lucky to have someone as her for a mum she's always happy around her it's such a pleasure to witness 

Carys really brings out the best in my beautiful wife and I adore them

Both so much 

I can't believe how scared I was 

Works not happening 

Sacked 

On the dole 

Natalie worried 

Had loads of interviews and nothing 

Onwards 

Xx 

1

Carys Natalie Waters 

24/9/15 

7:22pm 

7lb 3.5 oz 

3 months today. 

Profound overwhelming love doesn't cover how I feel for her and my wife 

 

66

23rd September 2015. 

It's 1.46am. Natalie is asleep. 

The house is ready. All done. We go tomorrow to hospital. 

Am shitting myself. 

Feels like a huge mountain we have to climb now. The easy bits done. And that's been hard work. 

God knows what it'll be like. 

To have another human being in our lives. Seems very surreal. 

Even though we haven't officially met yet she already means everything. 

I have this reoccurring fear of coming home without them or without one of them. 

But all going well we will have a baby girl home safe and sound. And by the next time I write on here, wow, a little girl has been born. :-) :-) :-) 

Natalie obviously shitting herself too, can't imagine what she's feeling. 

Let's just hope all goes okay and that mum and baby girl are safe and sound. I need them to breathe. 

I love you both with all my being and more profoundly than all thought imaginable. 

In a bit x

65

Its September 15th and its cold. 

We are being induced 23rd a week today. 
Bricking it, bricking it for the Mrs, really really hope shes gonna be ok and that all goes ok, and that nothing bad happens. Theres nothing like the prospect of labour for your wife that makes you realise how much she means to you. Worship that woman. 
Im super excited half the time and full of dread the other, its a mind fuck, constantly trying to tell myself all will be okay, and that it will become normality. 
I think thats it, these last few months havent been 'normal', because weve become custom to a particular lifestyle, practically do what we wanted and when, and yet since February all has changed. Its tough. And thats without the nonsense the wife has had to deal with on top. 
Menieres, Obsetric Coestasis, Hyperemesis... the list goes on. 

We have the house close to being ready for ickle bubs. Bedroom sorted, laurens bed dismantled and taken downstairs, the walls painted, the whole room steam cleaned. Wardrobe up, just cot to assemble. 
Painted the hallway, painted our room, changed around, new bed, after the original bed we brought arrived but wouldnt fit up the stairs, so we had to order a new bed and wait a week, we slept downstairs on bed settee for 8 days, at one point we had 3 beds in our front room, which isnt the biggest haha :) Nightmare. But between me, the wife Sue and Kate and Paul, weve made huge progress. Car seat fitted, pram down sues, all ready really, just a few bits and bobs to sort but the 'major' things achieved. Well done Us. 

Lauren leaves for Uni Friday, very very proud of her, shes super excited got lots of plans and ideas buzzing around her head, shell be fine, she has a good head on her shoulders. 
Will pop to see her place once shes settled in. 

Work is shit. Hate that place and hate her. Shes a bully. That simple.
Im not going to feel bad for being unwell and for looking after my wife. Never. 
Needs must. 

Got a feeling Baby will arrive Friday.

In a bit. x

64

Still at it. 

Natalie huge now little one not far away. 

Cot bought. 

New settee and chair. 

Shed cleared.

Lauren offered a Maths degree placement at Swansea. 

Passed probation. 

Things still hard. Not well at all. 

But keeping at it. 

Onwards 

63

It's been a while, it's been trying, soul searching and exciting all rolled into one. Phew. We made it. 

It's a girl!!!! 😀 haha all is well with the little one, moving, kicking, all sorts, mummy getting there and so brave to. 

Lauren okay, as can be, working hard, having doubts about uni, but okay. 

Work is doing my head in. Still on probation. Tuffy being a twat. But making progress slowly. 

Just want to know. Anyway, holiday in two weeks. Tenby. Nice. Can't wait. 

Things are starting to feel a lot more normal now, we have our moments, but we are getting there. 

I've been a let down to be honest, I've not coped well with everything and I've let the Mrs down with all my self preoccupations. I am addressing the issues I have with therapy. £40 an hour therapy. Lol. 

So it better fucking work lol. 

But yeh I do feel I've made it harder than it needed to be for the wife. She's had to deal with all of this sickness, and on top of that me moaning about my job, being depressed, struggling with the whole concept, truth is I wouldn't of dealt with it without her there, whispering in my ear when I'm in work " don't let it get to you, it's your frame of mind clouding the issues " not physically mind, that would be weird, but yer know I hear her voice when I need her most. 

Just going to do my best to deal with my shit and be as strong as I can for her because right now I cannot wait to meet our little girl, I love her, she's real and she's on her way. ❤️❤️❤️

It's late 3 am on a Sunday morning right now, listening to heartbreaker ha, takes me back to sitting in my dads car and radio 2 on the radio, obviously, and long trips to seemingly car related places, or camping, but quite fond memories of childhood that only music can encapsulate. 

I'm so blessed. A millionaire. 7th October 2015. Can't fucking wait!!! 

In a bit. 

62

15 weeks tomorrow. Baby due 7th October 2015. 

It's been a roller coaster last few weeks, Natalie suffered terrible hyperemesis been bloody awful for her, in turn awful for both of us. Work has been hard. Really hard. Boss being a right cunt.

Been very low at moments, usually at 6.30 am haha, before going work. 

Has been the hardest few weeks for us, for different reasons, but we are still here, still going. 

Starting to get attached to ickle bubs now, ha, it is going to be amazing. Scary still, the change is the scary part. So much to learn so much to do. We'll get there. Together. 

Need the landlord to get back to us regarding boiler and radiator issue. Hate being in limbo. 

Onwards.