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Just getting over a cold, was Saturday just gone, it's early Wednesday now, day in work then a quick bevvie with the team, on way home on train just knew something was coming. You seem to get a sign just before, you mostly dismiss it, as I did here. got home, couldn't really relax, and then suddenly my left nostril was completely blocked. By Monday morning I was like death walking into work, couple of the team said ' you do not look well mate '. Was a horrible day but comforted by the fact I was off the next day, so with severe lack of sleep and constant blowing me nose, I got through it, home then rest.

Did fuck all today, Tuesday , that is. 

Lauren's well, she keeps hinting at how skint she is, and how she needs to have these driving lessons like every week, and I'm l like you get money via csa, which you have told me yer mum gives straight to you, which is what 150 a month, and that's not enough to last a 17 yr old with no responsibility except to get to and from college, she retorts with I needed a new top cos of this house party, era, you really don't need to buy new clothes for every house party, or even going out to a pub, it's ridiculous that twit use which has been nurtured and fulfilled by her mother and family.... Or she needs to have 2 hour driving lessons next week dos her instructor said, well of course he will say that, I mean forgive my scepticism here but so what, why can't it wait another couple of weeks? If you can't afford it then well I'm sorry but tough. It comes across like I'm a stingy fucker toward Lauren, and I admit I have been, but this is Deffo not this time, she needs to learn that in the real world you can't just go about having everything you want when you want it without making some sort of sacrifice on her part, and that's what's missing from her life to a degree now. Sadly the place she works don't seem to need her much lately, but I've tried helping her with jobs, gave her details of a couple of places, offered to print cvs for her, help with applications, and when I ask for updates she says she forgot to apply for the job... I mean, she's complaining she is always skint, and yet there is a job, a chance to make regular money on the table and she forgets about taking steps to address her money issues... I honestly don't understand that logic... Part of me thinks she just cannot be arsed, which she has a tendency to adopt, so then I think fine, I can't be arsed to bail you out. 

Whatever my rationale when it comes to money she'll think I'm a fucking dickhead no doubt.

I always feel I'm never gonna be taken seriously by the girl. 

I did however offer to pay for her theory as a way of supporting her, because I do support her as she is having a go at this driving thing and doing great in college so you have to be seen to be doing things like that to help with her confidence... But truth be told I'm not sure she is prepared for it, she'll say she is but I know different... Just intuition I guess, and I don't blame her for that, I was like it, we've all tried to blag it like ...... I was the king of bragging it at one point of my life. Haha. 

Natalie is ok I guess, she seems really really down lately, work I shit, uni work on top of that, and of course me to deal with, wish I could fix her. Health wise she's doing very well, in the sense she's still adopting the attitude of Fuck Off, I'm doing what I want and you ain't gonna stop me, brave. So proud to call her my wife and to be called her husband. Marriage is good for the soul. It protects the love we hold for each other. 

Me, well health same as ever really, few more pains in stomach past week or so, sore legs and feet as per, but gladly I haven't needed time off work. Half our days there now are actually taking calls, and learning on the job with mentors. This is good, they are happy to help and let us try and deal with the calls as much as we can, feedback is immediate, it's relaxed right now, so making the most of that side of it. Starting to feel like I belong more and more each week there, and to be honest it's a nice environment to be in, add to that I get a grand pay rise if I pass probation, then there is lots to be positive about, regardless of the shit Saturday shifts lol.

Wow, a long one today, what else has been happening? I do need a pee so hang on ....... that's better... Not much I guess, trying to stay in touch with likes of Joe from conduit, but he is ignoring all lines of communication for some reason, as is Emily who to be fair, is hard work, I appreciate she has mental issues of course, but don't we all?? I mean we've all got shit to deal with, day to day shit, past shit, future shit, we all have it... But I guess we are all guilty of letting it get the better of us also, Christ I'm hard work for fucks sake so as much as that statement is true, it's not that simple I guess.

Haven't heard from my dad since just after the honeymoon, think he's like me in that sense, I'm terrible at staying in regular contact with the people I love and care about, apart from Lauren and obviously Natalie. 

As for my real dad, nothing, he had to think about whether he wanted to be a father to me according to his last email to me, so I took away the need for him to think. The useless cunt. 

Liverpool Real Madrid tonight at anfield, huge game, we probably won't win, but a far cry from Europa league away games with hodgson at the helm, fuck me how did that fucking happen?!. 

Anyway, got hold of some pollen and I'm off to skin up,

Thought of the day:

Stop eating bread yer fat twat.

In a bit.